time has wings cos it seems to have the ability to fly....
my last post was march the 26th, 2009
it is now october the 7th...!!!
the end of 2009 is in sight ...oooo frightening
where did the days go???
may have to decide to put this as my full-stop or comma post
"MIA (missing in action) till the gear is found"
cant catch up with updating post - many things have happened many lessons learnt
but the gear to get it moving to ink into blog just tak ada lah...
well may have to resort to plain old fashioned journaling with pen and paper =)
the exercise of penning down your thoughts and responses as you take stock and reflect on the day's , the week's or the month's events is kind of therapeutic and helpful...
and with the decrease in efficiency of memory bank - these jot-downs will come in pretty handy actually....
ok ok will try to make sure i get to do just that whatever the channel - old or new way...

the five K s

"ki ki ku ki ki" - literally translated from cantonese means 'self take care of self'
well in other words, selfish
the word typed out looks weird to me
but it is far from extinct
frequently see that as the reason for the things or situations encountered daily
just look at the amount of rubbish strewn in many varied places other than its rightful place ie the garbage bins

in the back lanes - food remnants such as rice, dhall curry, stale bread etc scattered for pigeons, cats and dogs and even little sparrows not to mention the aggressive eerie-looking crows!
flies and fur and stench will assail your nostrils and ensure your windows permanently shut

in the drains - plastic of all kinds - food wrappers, detergent bottles, cooking oil containers, styrofoam packs, polythene bags of all colours....clogging the flow and retaining the enriched outflow of domestic waste water which adds to the potpourri!...what a collection!
this is often the drive to pray for heavy rain to flush everything away so as to get some reprieve before the cycle begins...
i personally witness a lady opening the window of the back room and flinging some rubbish out direct into the drain ....oh how convenient ... a giant garbage 'bin'

any corner patch esp when the corner lot is vacant will quickly be designated as the 'official' garbage patch and the mountain of refuse will build up over the week...it begins with pruned branches (well at least this is organic and biodegradable) then the game 'follow the leader' begins - soon old containers, bags , polystyrene insulator, and even an old couch, wood pieces join the gang and lo and behold the newly installed garbage collection point is official.
what an obnoxious sight! ...the finale of the episode - a council lorry was despatched to clear the pile recently but the joy is short-lived cos the root is still there.

a neighbour keeps an alsatian which seems too large for a tiny terrace home - with no kennel for him, no 'toilet training' and no bath routine
so the 20 by 20 compound of the house becomes a gold mine of faeces and urine daily
and what does the owner do?
ya, a water hose assists him to clean his compound but the 'gold' is conveniently swept into the drains
out of sight out of mind for him yes
but by mid day with the heat the stench from the drains will definitely put him in my mind!!!!
infuriating , exasperating......till the night when the cool breeze comes a blowing into the living room...guess what bonus comes along with it???? patience, forbearance, tolerance to the highest degree URGENTLY WANTED!!!!

a bus zooms by- be it a public or school bus
plop! out flew the plastic bag of finished tea or syrup with straw and rafia string attached
through the window out to the ....dont know where it was aimed at
some invisible garbage bin i guess
tailing a proton wira notice some UFO s (unidentified flying objects) from the left front window
wonder what they may be
make a wild guess
husband driving with wife beside him - enjoying her ice cream peeling off the cone wrapper and letting the wind take the refuse on a carpet ride!!!!
many many 'live tales' of the same been encountered
go to the magnum- 3D, toto or cant-remember-their-signage shops and observe....
a carpet of ...slips of paper galore - autumn fall scene lah
the moment customer leaves the counter after putting in their bets
lo a little 'leaf' naturally falls from their grip and join dozens on the floor!!!
how can this be???the establishment just stay passive and condone this irritating habit of its customers???
oh yeah they do something about it - they have a lady who will sweep the mess as it comes!!!
that s 'nice' - i call it pampering

i really wonder why it is so difficult for folks, young and old, to just place any rubbish in its proper place?
the irony of it, the homes are clean and well swept but beyond their 'territory' a different story unfolds.
cleanliness - personal and environmental, is a core element in the school curriculum primary to secondary and also in families and homes
what has gone wrong?
schools are kept clean with enforcement - so any littering bug will not be found doing it openly
maybe stricter enforcement is required from school to community level??
i really dont know
or joint responsibility to keep school and community environment free of indiscriminate littering
imposed on folks would work better to inculcate the good and desired habit and ensure it gets deeply rooted???
i once advised a neighbour not to throw food remnants directly into the drain and that s the end of good neighbourliness between us - one sided of course
i was on the verge of doing something in response to the growing mountain of refuse ...lost courage and was pretty relieved when the lorry came to demolish the mountain
your good intent may actually run a risk of being interpreted as 'nosey',' not minding your own business'- after all it is not on your property and who make you their boss???? ooh cant imagine the consequences and response...
and these folks are those who have no qualms at throwing whatever and wherever they like
who are you to question???

so in conclusion it boils down to the 5 ks?? so sad isnt it?

my heart is warmed

how time zooms past!
been more than a month since my last post....

my heart is warmed by a few changes i observed lately....
they are not what you would call drastic changes
little yet significant....and God it is your working! thank you!
You have been working in the hearts of your children... and still will be...
my HEART IS WARMED
..... when i hear my daughter expressing emphatically her desire and commitment to meet regularly with her uni fellowship group amidst some glitches she encountered to follow thro this commitment..
earlier in the sem she intentionally selected class slots so as to make that meeting night free
and that was so gladdening to my heart... thanks dear for being the reason
it not only pleases me but it definitely pleases our God who has been holding you in His palm!
May your time in uni be an opportunity and adventure with Him as you learn and enjoy what He has in store for you!!! JEREMIAH 29:11
my HEART IS WARMED
..... when i hear the son of a friend emphatically 'pushing' the mum to go to church come weekends when he s back from studies!
not too long ago it was the reverse and human persuasion came to no avail but now look what God has been doing in his heart despite what the family has been through....
his desire to worship springs from a heart of thankfulness to the God who has brought him and his family through crises and hardship...
and i am glad he didnt sink into bitterness, crying unfair and why he gets a bad deal from God?? and somewhere deep inside i sense a restored self-esteem released from feeling inferior bec of his family condition...set free to move on...
May he discover more and more of our Loving, merciful and faithful God!
my HEART IS WARMED
...... when there was less 'resistance' to release funds in our efforts to help provide for Karthic and family in the form of giving in kind and helping the undernourished boy try to catch up on the basic three Rs so that he wont become another statistic in the drop-out list.
provision allocation approved promptly, some electrical fault repair bill settled and soon the bill for repair leaking roof and rotting wooden beams....
May God who stirs our hearts to act upon what He wants us to do, teach us to be like Him in action......ever so full of compassion, of grace, of gentleness, of kindness as we avail as His arms to the needy...... Matthew 25:34-40
........i see you God clearly in these....

plus and minus

i am not a good cook whether of special culinary dishes or cookies etc etc...
but i can clean dishes well... haha
you can count on me but of course the dishwasher will put me out of job instantly!!!!
well i did a lot of that recently during cny at my in-laws place
actually i did it happily glad that my role is an important one though at many homes a maid does it!
about a week's break spending time with the larger extended family
happy to see the kids and their cousins spend good time together
it was a bit different this year too
the teens got back to their old pastime of playing board games
thank God for the Saidina (local version of Monopoly), Uno attack and the Arne game cards!!!
No computer games, PS etc and no tv programmes to glue everyone's eyes to the boxes!!!
It was good to see them interacting, having clean fun, teasing one another with intermittent peals of laughter
It seems like a RE - bonding.... like those days before computer games and mp3, handphones came in to distract
the adults were also given the opportunity to join in! ladies only loh
wish the men can let their hair down and join in the fun with the young generation
of course phor phor (grandma) couldnt participate bec of language
but i believe behind the smile on her lips she is also happy to see her grandchildren having a good time together
this is the plus point from the cny time together
the minus point came in the form of some kind of sad feeling when you realised from hearing the conversations which seemed to send signals not too pleasant to receive
i am talking about an over-emphasis or special attention given to specific individuals which basically boils down to favoritism
from the name or names which kept coming up and incessantly being mentioned you felt as though ... hey what about us???? what about others????
well everyone has his or her weakness or fault or in this case an unhealthy habit of favouring some persons right in the open in the midst of the rest of equally legitimate relations
but habits really do die hard esp in old folks
but dont they learn that words heard can hurt and affect the young's self esteem in ways that you cannot imagine?????
maybe they are not aware of the possible detrimental consequence or not made aware of it...
well who dares??
so i can only attempt to do the damage repair and let God do the actual healing and assurance that You, my children are all special,
You are of worth,
You are God's "fathomed in the womb",
You are favoured by God
and most importantly
God treats each one of You PRECIOUS regardless of what the world or persons may say or favour!
and of course i have to forgive the person as God has forgiven me.....

quieter but pleasant note???

this cny break is a first of all sorts
it is the first 'celebrated' without the presence of the gel factor ie my mum
last cny no do cos she passed away barely few mths then
i am glad we siblings did meet up except for 3 families who didnt make it
it was on a quieter note... i have no complaints
conversation n communication n catching up occurring in pockets
somehow cny festive atmosphere with loud music, tv programmes,and too much focus on food.........
tend to suppress the opportunities for much needed meaningful communication
after all many families don't get to meet as frequent as they would have liked to
so it will be these moments of meeting together during cny
for some it may be days, for others it may be a day and even others it may be just for a few hours
that we catch up on how we are keeping
i am pleased we cut down cooking to a minimum
it was a sort of pot blessed so as not to burden the host family with too much cooking n washing.
on the whole it was a pleasant trip for the reunion on the 2nd day of cny
the family-together bond is still there even as we gather without the presence of mum n dad
and i pray we will not forget to come together for the years to come
and may the ambience each time be conducive for what is needful...
communication and bonding....on a different level now????

i had a dream

i had a dream two nights ago
one i can recall of course
most of the time i cant remember any of my dreams
it was of my late dad
since his passing nineteen years ago cant say i ever dreamt of him
ya off and on memories of him came to my mind but never in a dream
not that i was thinking of him more lately
so i was pleasantly surprised to find dad in my dream
i remembered him suffering symptoms due to lung cancer
problems with constant phlegm, breathing difficulties depriving him and mum of rest
going in and out of hospital back in our hometown
with su li close to 2 years old and carrying ming in my womb i couldnt make it back to hometown as often as i would like to
the last i talked to him was when i went back to my hometown during one of the school hols
he was at home then
lost his voice but we were 'talking' tho it was a strain to him
that was when he revealed he had been to church sunday school in the old old days under the missionaries ... ie when he was young..
i never knew that!!!!! well times spent with dad were few and short cos dad worked on two jobs in kl city and came back once a month for a day or two..
sometimes if work did not permit once in two months but the money he sent mum would be relayed to us through the company salesman who dropped by my hometown
when dad passed away i didnt make it to see him at the hospital

so in my dream when i saw him lying down
i moved towards him to see him, expecting to see his frail, gaunt face stricken and drained of energy coughing endlessly
BUT i was surprised!
I saw the healthy-looking, slightly flushed face of my dad - the face and undiseased body of my dad before he contracted cancer
oh dad is OKAY!!!! he even got up and we hugged each other
i felt so happy inside .... then hazy pictures...one clear one being..
a scene in a home with many people and dad was sort of speaking to people sharing the love of God!!!! some sort of a home meeting
WOW! isnt that great? a second surprise!
Though my husband and i shared the gospel of Jesus with dad on our last visit, he, with his barely audible voice expressed his intention to become a Christian but cant- citing the reason- my mum didnt believe so as a couple they should be together
So you understand why i felt even happier seeing dad in the final scene
well i am not trying to interpret the dream i had
i had in those years after my dad's passing prayed to God to let my dad come into my mum's dream to tell her he had gone on to be with God in heaven
there is this fascination among many asians about deceased loved ones 'contacting' thro dreams
how fantastic it would be cos then mum would be more open to follow Jesus and when it was time for her to go she would be able to be with dad!
that was what and how i wanted to happen.... but sorry no dream for mum about dad
even till my mum's demise more than a year ago
i woke up still walking on air
you know the kind of feeling you experience when something good has happened to you
SOMETHING GOOD HAS HAPPENED TO ME ... YES it s true
deep within us are matters and needs that we ourselves know not of except our beloved Maker
And i believe my Maker has made part of me whole again
who knows i may have another dream?????

right under your nose

karthic - a case in need
ya the twelve year old boy who came to us in church school
scrawny, tall, handsome yet 'small' for his age
dad out of a job five years ago bec of inconsistent attendance at work
mum has been working as a cleaning lady in a restaurant for twelve years on daily wage
lately at a food court stall for three months earning 25 rgt a day her most recent position
former home demolished to make way for highway
compensation of 5000 rgt went to purchasing a motorcycle
dad supposed to stand in as babysitter for karthic and 2 year old brother while mum works
but alas this too he cannot accomplish faithfully...
and what is the scenario all too familiar among the urban poor?
he doesnt get karthic going to school--weak in studies n dropping out of school bec of absence
he goes out to drink with pilfered hard earned money from the wife
he gets drunk comes home and gets into fights with his wife who works from dawn to dusk
when he doesnt come home she has to go search for him for fear of harm befalling him!
.............am sure this scenario still unfolds in many a corner in malaysia
we can try to help karthic n the sibling so that they dont get entrapped in the vicious cycle of poverty but there is only so much we can do to alleviate the problem
Getting him back to school, arranging transport to school so that he doesnt miss any more classes....really pray it is not too late for him to catch up...already very weak in basics
helping the mum in provisions or better paying cleaning jobs with shorter working hours??
but how can we help his dad???
the incidences of drunkenness, fights and possibly or potentially physical abuse on the domestic front ... beyond us to monitor or handle!!!!
well there's no miracle wand to make the scenario whole again and instantly
we can only trust God to grant us the wisdom to do whatever is needful for this case right under our noses.....

set free

just read ming's latest blog
a gloomy pic with light emanating from ahead to illuminate the present darkness
he titled it 'the curse is lifted'
he shares his long encounter holding the position of class monitor over the years
in the beginning i believe there is joy and pride to be appointed or elected captain of the class
whether in primary or secondary
but sad to say i see with the lack of compassion on the part of many teachers
who pass the load on to the poor monitors
all joy is robbed and pride turns to burden
and in ming's case ... a curse...
well for ming and kit this year and for li not too long ago
the termination of the monitorship "contract" definitely is significant
it spells the beginning of normality in their lives as students
they can finally breathe
kit excitedly yakked at dinner..."when teacher asked where is the monitor? oooh he doesnt have to stand up..when teacher asked who is absent? he doesnt have to report anything...yeah...."... i definitely hear and sense elation as he related all these to us.
i thank God for you folks for faithfully and perseveringly carrying out your monitor duties to the upmost of your ability.
am very proud of you monitors! Job well done.
And i share with you the joy of being set free.....You hv liberated yourselves hurray!!!!

a potential ripple effect

last christmas oops i meant of the year 2007
the idea came but it never materialised
the most recent christmas the idea became a reality
its the "no gifts for ourselves but gifts of hope for children thro world vision" idea among the children who gather at my mum-in-law s place for christmas each year

instead of the uncles, aunties and grandma buying them gifts
why dont they just put in the amount they would spend for the gifts into a common pool
and the children who are the recipients make a count of the collection and choose gifts of hope for many less fortunate children in many parts of the world?

the proposal had full support from my teens and their cousins but it was kind of discouraging to meet with not so keen participation from some of the adults
"oh so pitiful once a year give presents and we want to deprive the kids of them"...one comment rings this way..
another asks how much and put in what would have been put in when approached by a stranger who comes seeking for donation for such and such a charity....
but there are others even among the young who parted with what cash they received though it wasnt expected of them...what an encouragement to gladden my heart....

honest..i expected warmer reception or response...
i was excited more for the opportunity for the teens to be themselves excited about doing something together to share with those less fortunate and blessed
i say to myself ''well not everyone is as used to sharing as you are"
and more important "dont give up just carry on there 's always a first attempt as a precursor"
so it came to pass... the teens came together to make choices of the gifts of hope to give and not receive
and despite everything my heart is glad
nothing to shout about but a small step, a tiny drop really....
and as i titled this, it is a potential ripple .....